Somnolence

Eloquence is beyond me, I struggle to string words together. Let alone construct sentences or hold conversations. Sometimes, my eyelashes become so heavy I can barely keep my eyes open. Phantasmagorical torments and I bite my precious little tongue. Hush baby doll. Be a good little girl and eat your medicine. Keep your poisonous little thoughts to yourself and stop tormenting the other children. Anomalous little child. Lamentable of course, but inadequate none the less.

Sensibility

I close my eyes and it feels as though my lungs are collapsing inside my chest. My ribcage fractures as it is compressed. My skin is tearing beneath my fingertips and I know that this is too far. There are no delightful little excuses. She would be so utterly repulsed and knowing this breaks my heart. I swallow this whole. It seems I broke down, let go, sold out. But I speak of months not irreparable damage. Collect myself together and allow myself to breathe. Perception is everything. "It is not how the world views you baby girl, but how you view the world" I await her with my pound of flesh.

Amour-propre

"Surreal as I could not swallow. My self worth lapsed amid a sea of cruel reflections. Not I. Of all these creatures. A fox amid the rabbits. But I became entangled. Just as they do. I clutched at my heartbeats as they fluttered from my chest leaving only hollow undulations. Fingernails carve out tiny maps of my struggles and I clutch at anything now to ground me. Bare foot upon the soil and I cannot connect myself. My mind plays little games and I find myself so painfully alone in front of this audience. More than seventy breathes for every minutes and I close my eyes as tight as they will go. I drowned in self loathing. My eyes still shut tight. I felt her breath upon my spine as she enclosed me in her arms. Tiny little butterfly kisses on my vertebrae and I am found."

Darling, you saved me from myself.  We would spend days at a time in bed together, hiding under covers and whispering our darkest secrets.  Endless pots of English tea.  You would read me your poetry and sing me to sleep. I have painted you a thousand times.  It breaks my heart I will never feel your hand in mine again.  I will never look into your Bambi eyes.  You have broken my heart Lucille.  I just do not know how to handle this.

Demure kitten is rather demure.