Amour-propre

"Surreal as I could not swallow. My self worth lapsed amid a sea of cruel reflections. Not I. Of all these creatures. A fox amid the rabbits. But I became entangled. Just as they do. I clutched at my heartbeats as they fluttered from my chest leaving only hollow undulations. Fingernails carve out tiny maps of my struggles and I clutch at anything now to ground me. Bare foot upon the soil and I cannot connect myself. My mind plays little games and I find myself so painfully alone in front of this audience. More than seventy breathes for every minutes and I close my eyes as tight as they will go. I drowned in self loathing. My eyes still shut tight. I felt her breath upon my spine as she enclosed me in her arms. Tiny little butterfly kisses on my vertebrae and I am found."

Darling, you saved me from myself.  We would spend days at a time in bed together, hiding under covers and whispering our darkest secrets.  Endless pots of English tea.  You would read me your poetry and sing me to sleep. I have painted you a thousand times.  It breaks my heart I will never feel your hand in mine again.  I will never look into your Bambi eyes.  You have broken my heart Lucille.  I just do not know how to handle this.